Prior to starting my skinny-fat transformation, I was so pumped about discovering bodybuilding, that I immediately told my parents about my goal of getting ripped.
My parents told me that I shouldn’t “waste” my time on building muscle at the gym, since I don’t have the genetics for it.
When I asked my mom to buy more protein-rich foods, she said that she won’t support my “crazy” bodybuilding goals.
When I asked her to stop buying candy and baking cakes, she rejected it.
When I asked her to take progress pictures of me, she laughed.
However, at the age of 19 I moved away from all the negativity and then things took off…
Moving Away From All Negativity
Moving out was one of the happiest days in my life.
After living by myself for just a week, I realised how much better I felt without negative people around me.
I learned that unsupportive and negative people drain energy out of you.
After moving out, I felt a huge increase in energy.
I started buying the healthy foods I needed, and I cooked everyday.
I hit the gym harder than ever.
My fat started melting off.
My mood was better.
Eventually, I lost 60 pounds of fat, and then gained a bunch of muscle afterwards.
While living at home, I gained 35 pounds of mostly fat, and struggled losing it.
The first 2 pictures below are the progress I made while living at home. The 2 last ones, are the progress I made after moving out.
I was partly able to make that progress because I was in an environment that enabled me to do so.
There were no negative people telling me that I can’t transform my body.
I always had a kitchen stocked up with meat, eggs and rice. There was no candy, cakes or junkfood lying around.
I can safely say that changing my surroundings enabled me to transform my body.
How to Deal With Negative Parents
Just because I moved out, doesn’t mean that I don’t talk with my parents anymore.
In fact, I have a much better relationship with my parents compared to when I lived at home.
My mom cooks healthy food when I come over.
They don’t laugh of my goals anymore, since I’ve outdone all of them.
However, the relationship has changed. Now I’m in control:
- I see them whenever I want. This means I see them about once a month.
- If they bring up negativity, I hang up the phone or leave their house.
- I don’t ask them for support in my goals.
Unfortunately, not everyone has the option to move out.
But, everyone has the option to take control of their life.
If your parents don’t support you in your goals, stop asking them for approval.
When you ask for their approval or support, you tell your subconscious mind that you need their support to transform your skinny-fat body.
That’s not good for you, since you know they won’t give you that support.
Therefore, don’t try to convince them that you’re going to transform your physique.
If they’re negative people, they won’t understand your way of thinking.
Just smile and nod whenever they say something related to fitness.
And most importantly, start taking control of your life.
Get a job; money gives you the freedom to buy the foods YOU want to eat.
Spend your time outside the house as much as possible. Go to the gym and make friends with other people who hit the gym. Hang out with them as much as possible and go home late.
Finally, as soon as you’re able to: MOVE OUT.
How to Deal With Negative Friends
“The gym is only for losers… You don’t need muscle to get girls.”
“Why do you waste your time at the gym?”
“You don’t have the genetics to get ripped.”
If you’re trying to transform your physique, and you have a friend that says something along those lines, then the solution to that is simple:
STOP SPENDING TIME WITH THAT FRIEND.
You can’t choose your parents, but you can choose your friends.
You want to choose friends that have a positive impact on your life:
- They motivate you to achieve your goals.
- They believe in you.
- They give you valuable feedback.
Unfortunately, it can be difficult to find those kind of friends… Especially if you have high standards for how you want to look and lead life.
But, I can safely say that it’s better to have just a few friends that have a positive impact on your life, rather than dozens of negative friends who bring you down with them.
So, when that negative friend asks you to hang out, say you’re busy.
Do that over and over again. After a while he will get the message.
4 Steps to Deal With Negative People
When you get into fitness, your mindset changes.
You start seeing possibilities.
When you gain muscle and lose fat, you realise that you can achieve great things in life as long as you put in the work.
Unfortunately, there are negative people out there who don’t share the same mindset.
Those people are everywhere. They can be your parents, friends, colleagues…
However, there are 4 simple steps which you can follow to deal with those negative people:
- Identify the negative person.
- Reduce the time you spend with him. Say you’re busy when he contacts you.
- When you happen to spend time with him, don’t talk about your goals at all. Don’t ask for his approval or support.
- In the case he brings up the topic first, just smile and nod, and leave him alone so you can go do your own thing.
It’s that simple.
If you follow those steps, you will be bulletproof to negative people.
In a few years, they will tell you:
“You’re so lucky to have the time to hit the gym and cook… If I had that, I would be ripped too.”
That’s when you smile and nod, and hit the gym.
Image credit: Live Life Happy
Thank you Mr. Faarkrog. I needed to read this.
This has happ n to me for years. My mom wouldn’t shut the hell up about me. She says you look fat. I am overweight, but I am doing the best I can to keep myself fit. Everyone I hear the word FAT it seems like I am going to explode. I am 22 years old. What am I suppose to do then? Starve my self like those people in WWII (world war 2)? There is one exercise that can burn all your body fat and that is by swimming. The problem is that I can’t swim. I can’t handle this anymore because it stresses me out. I don’t understand what kind of body does my mom wants me to have. A models body? I don’t want a muscular body. That just looks entirely gross to me. Please help me out!
Happen* oh and one more thing. I am trying my best to keep myself fit. All my parents do is letting me down instead of encouraging me.
Oskar Faarkrog, ISSA Certified Personal Trainer
Jesslyn, I’m 100% certain you can lose fat without starving yourself.
Looks at my article “10 simple tips to lose fat without starving yourself” on this blog. I used this guide to lose 60 pounds in 18 months.
Hi Oskar, Great article man I always felt like I was the only guy stuck in this problem and looking at your blog now I know I’m not the only one. I never really had a good body I wasn’t extremely fat nor was I extremely skinny. I always had excellent weight for my age and height but I still had lots of fat in my body that made me look twice my weight. I don’t get what I should do moving out isn’t an option for me I’m just 16. I don’t know what path I should go to example should I go to the lean path or should I go to the bulk path and I don’t know yet. I feel like I’m the victim of skinny fat disease because it’s frustrating when you’re just fat you at lest have some strength , when you’re skinny you at least have endurance and I have none of those both things. So please respond to me if you can. Sincerely Dan
Just wanted to say, great post. I’ve been dealing with this same sort of thing for awhile now. I’ve stopped hanging out with a lot of “friends” and have been guarding my goals, resisiting the urge to talk about them with others. I’ve also now realized the importance of getting out of my parent’s house as soon as possible.
This post fired me up and renewed my spirits. Just wanted to say thanks!
Thank you. Definitely move out so you can do your own thing.
Hey Oskar, recently, well actually since I started lifting I have been having a hard time sticking to my routine. I don’t know why but I always have the urge of changing my routine, I always end up returning to your routine but I think that this is stucking my progress. Can you give me some tips?
Thanks you so much.
Do you track progress? For me, tracking progress is key to stay consistent with anything related to fitness.
Yes, since 4 months ago I’m tracking absolutely all my workout. But this just don’t stop me from changing my routine. I don’t know why but I guess that something inside me say that I can have even better results.
If you honestly think there’s something out there that will get you better results, then you should find that something and give it your all for 2-3 months while tracking progress. The routine YOU believe in will make it easier to stay consistent, and thereby make progress.
Yesterday I found out what can be a good way to do it. When in my mind I have temptations on changing my workout, I will do a set of chin ups and diamond push ups and remeber how far I progress with them.
What do you think?
If it works for you, then that is what you need to do.
Exactly. Doing what you love you do is the best part. You can do it! Don’t give up!
Hi.i dont need to deal with negative people.i myself have negative mindset.i am pessimist..the reason is masturbating for last 5 years.i feel like shit after doing it.i feel super tired.i feel like i cant do anything.after masturbating rest of day becomes shit.i really regret it.but then again next day i cant resist it.i have tried very hard but cant resist for more than 2 days.
The solution is simple: stop doing it during the day if it affects you negatively.
Find ways to stop. Stay occupied with work, hit the gym, go for a walk etc. If you really want it, you can stop.
Hey Oskar! Really like your blog. Hope you could post a lot more frequently though. I keep checking every day to see if you have new content to help fire me up for the day’s work out! Hehehe.
Hi RJ, I’m glad you enjoy the content.
I’ve been busy with other things over the past months, but now I’ll switch my focus back to the site again. There will be a lot of good stuff coming over the next months.
I have just completed a short bulk which ends today. This is my first bulk ever since I got lean.
I just want to ask, what should I be seeing from the bulk cycle as in what comes from it? Is it in size? or I look much “muscular”?
Also, I have realised that my physique really changed in terms of size i.e my biceps. I could see that i.e this week my biceps or rather whole arm looks bigger but the week after that, it turns smaller. I have been training for about 5-6 times per week with the same exercises I have been doing to get lean which are pushups, pull ups and diamonds. Does this means that I am already at a plateau? I also realised that the reps I could max out in the first rep has reduced from 17 to 14 now. This worries me, am I losing strength? I realised this was happening as soon as I begin bulking. This never happen when I was leaning down.
You should see a slight increase in size. Your bicep size may have changed because of your carb intake. When you eat more carbs, you look bigger.
How have your stats changed during the bulk?
During my bulk, I changed what I had in my menu a little (aside from eating more). .
Breakfast: From oats to peanut butter and bread with 1 egg
Lunch: Same but larger portion
Snacks: Peanut butter and bread
Dinner; Same,larger portion
I have not been able to measure anything aside from my weight as I’ve misplaced my measuring tape. But I would say that my waist has increased a little but my weight remains the same. I feel much more “bigger” around my torso (chest and abs) while my arms remains the same small size. You could see a contrast between my arms and upper body. In terms of workout, I have been able to reach max intensity during my cut but not my bulk period. I would be able to go longer and with shorter rest time though.
Also, regarding workout, will I ever reach a plateau? My workout feels easier these days, although I could max out 14-10 on each pull ups.
Do you eat a lot before working out? Eating a lot may slow you down.
Yes, you will reach a plateau.
No I dont. I usually would eat 2 hours before working out (snack), that’s all. I usually find warm ups are quite useless, but I think it really starts the mood for me to go intense later on.
So, how can I “counter” plateau? Do I need to start weight training?
I’ve read your article on calisthenics and I have been able to do most of the things you have pointed out in your article. I am really not interested in weight training and would really love to focus on bodyweight training.
Also, I’ve begin my 2nd bulk cycle and I would like to know if this programme would work in your opinion:
Bulk – 2 weeks
Cut – 1 week
I prefer a shorter cut, just not to lose my “muscle mass” as I really do look extremely lean fast with more fats.
How to counter a plateau: do the exact opposite of what you did now.
If you did slow reps, try mixing it up by doing faster reps.
If you did pull ups, try chin ups.
Mix it up a bit. There are plenty of ways to do this.
Try out those bulking and cutting cycles, and see how they work. It’s just 3 weeks, so there’s nothing to lose.
I saw your reply about eggs somewhere in the comments section.
How many eggs do you eat daily? Are you worried about the impact of dietary cholesterol from eggs on your health?
I’ve been eating 10 eggs a day for months at a time. Currently, I don’t eat that many eggs.
I’m not worried about dietary cholesterol from eggs, since it doesn’t affect your health negatively.
I’m so glad I found this blog as it’s perfectly tailored to me as a skinny-fat guy.
I started bulking and SS a a month ago with a slightly flabby stomach.
Im 6’1 and was 63 Kg a month ago when I started. I weighed myself today and am 67.5 kg. However most of this has gone to my stomach. It’s quite visible to me leading me to believe at least 2 of the gained 4 kilos is fat.
I’ve also been eating like crazy for that period(high protein and high calories) like everyone recommended.
However i noticed that this protruding belly is not what i wanted so I’ve started your program whilst still maintaining the dead lift and bench press from SS
I’ve also started Intermittent fasting and am lowering my calories to 1,900, as recommended(lb x 13), eating only 2 meals a day for at least the coming next 2 weeks.
I plan to do the short cutting and bulking phases like you suggest for us skinny-fat guys.
Thanks for your helpful tips. Is their anything else you would suggest ?
I’m glad you find the articles useful.
It sounds like you’re headed in the right direction, let me know how the progress comes along.
Hi..i want to ask different question not related to this article.im 18 years old.im going through puberty.i have puffy nipples.there is no hard lump inside.they are soft.i can press them.they become normal when i take shower.is it fat or gyno because i hav 14 to 16% bf…i have also heard that during puberty more than half teens suffer from this temporary gyno due to change in hormones.and it goes away with time.what do u think?
Send me a pic of your of your gyno through the contact form, and I’ll be able to give my opinion. With that said, if there’s no lump inside, then it’s most likely fat. I have a lump, that I can move when I squeeze it.
Strength By Sonny
Great article Oskar. The part about negative parents is on point and it’s going to become more important in the future as parent-child relationships continue to dwindle (mainly because of loss of values and emphasis on family).
Great post, Oskar!
I feel I’m very fortunate to have a ton of support for everything I do. Truth be told, I didn’t in the beginning, but things have changed now that I’ve gotten some solid results.
I think people are generally skeptical to new ideas, which is a defense mechanism. Sadly, instead of researching and understanding, the negative person will knock the idea.
Over time and as I got results, the people who were once against me reaching these goals are now asking for advice and I gladly help. Working to inspire others is one way I deal with somewhat negative people, however others are just always negative.
Thanks for the great post!
Thank you Gabe,
I’m glad you’ve managed to turn some of those people that were against you. Keep up the good work!
Thanks man, i always look forward to your articles,i have a question its off topic,i am an eggetarian so i dont eat meat. also i cant get enough protein from veg stuff. i mean i can but its lengthy and hectic,so i opted out for eggs. so my question is can i eat whole eggs? without getting fat? i searched a lot,people tell you about cholestrol but not fat. i dont care about cholestrol,i already know it doesnt much affect your blood cholestrol. and since i dont eat meat i can get all my fat through eggs right? i have started experimenting too. for 2 weeks i will eat all the yolks and then two weeks i will eat half the yolks. but then i will have to wait for a month,thats why i asked you if you could tell me about it. love your articles,keep em coming. :D
Ankur, I never tried eating like that so I can’t tell, however I recommend you to just eat the whole eggs. There’s no need to throw out yolks which are full of nutrients. I always eat whole eggs.
Great article Oskar!
Life is a lot happier when you don’t look for approval and do what you want to do!
Recognizing people who would bring you down is really extremely helpful…. sometimes people do it while smiling making like they’re your friend.
“Recognizing people who would bring you down is really extremely helpful…. sometimes people do it while smiling making like they’re your friend.”
This is great advice from a man with experience. Often, it can be difficult to spot people who try to bring you down.
I remember when I first started working out and dieting, my parents would constantly tell me when would I get back to my old ways of eating. And I constantly was asking for their approval, even without realizing it.
Like you said, if you’re stuck at home, there’s really nothing much you can do except leading by example.
I did this and over time, I managed to change my family’s attitude towards my fitness goals and what’s even more important is that I manged to pull my brother in and also my parents now really see me as an authority when it comes to nutrition and training. They’re not questioning my authority anymore lol.
And also one more thing … you need to have a source of income of your own if you want to get in the best shape of your life.
My 2 cents :)
Good point on having a source of income. Eating healthy can get quite expensive!
Also, great job on changing your family’s attitude towards your fitness goals. I have somewhat managed to do this, although it happened after I moved out.
“When I asked her to stop buying candy and baking cakes, she rejected it.
When I asked her to take progress pictures of me, she laughed.”
–This is some messed-up evil shit.
Anyways, great job getting away from that.
I was like you when I started, parents laughed and friends giving me that cynical smirks. But I didnt care, and pushed myself harder. In my area, we have an outdoor functional gym (weightless). here is where I do all my bodyweight training. Since it was build, it was only me and several other elderly people using the equipments. In my second week, I quite a number of youths begin to show up and ask me to teach them a little thing or two. They looked skinny-fat and I recommended your website. They will begin their training today!
See how much positivity and negativity works in equilibrium. You start with negative and move on to spread the positivity!
Interesting Article Oskar, one that I can relate with strongly. I have few thoughts on this topic, I hope it will help.
I have a simple motto that prevents any negative person from ever having any sort of impact.
“Show, don’t tell. Words will fuck you up before you have a chance to prove yourself.”
Simply put, your actions speak louder. No one can argue with success.
Don’t bother telling anyone what your goals are, even if you trust them. A little seed of negativity even from someone you trust can hold you down. Achieve First. Talk Later.
If you are from a poor family, there is no use telling them you want to be rich. Its impossible in their eyes so they will ridicule you and say you’ve lost it. Remember, most people are average, they think its impossible to transcend average and they definitely don’t see others doing it either. That’s why the average believe that all success is purely because of luck and talent.
Finally, as Oskar mentioned, be a man and stop seeking approval from people for changing your life for the better. All you need for that is your approval, if people wanna join you, cool. If not, Sayonara. Be Bold. Life life on your terms.
Very well put Sith!
“Simply put, your actions speak louder. No one can argue with success.”
I completely agree. When I talk a lot about something I want to achieve, it doesn’t happen. When I hold it in, I have a huge desire to make it happen and “surprise” people.
Incredible post man. I am dealing with the exact same thing in regards to parents . Luckily I saved up enough money to get my own place and am moving in about a week l. I can’t wait to finally be able to build my body without being held back.
It’s definitely hard to find quality friends but after ditching them and socializing as much as possible I finally found friends that aren’t so negative
If you think like that now, you’ll love it once you move out.
Wow dude, Thanks for sharing all of that, I have a feeling that this article is going to strike a nerve with a lot of people.
You’re welcome, that’s the goal of the article!