During the last 8 years I’ve written about diet and training in detail, however today I want to write about my experience with overcoming the root core issues that get’s most of my clients into transforming their body in the first place.
This is an overall lack of a social life and dating life.
Throughout the last years of coaching people, I’ve observed that a big percentage of my clients struggle socially.
At the extreme end, I have clients and readers who have been skinny-fat their entire life, mental health problems such as deep depression, anxiety, ADHD and have never been with a girl in their early 30s and got bullied most of their life.
At the other end, I have young guys in their early teens who are in the process of transforming and want to take their social and dating life to the next level.
The commonality is that most of them are skinny-fat, have mental health problems and struggle socially and with dating.
I’ve since the beginning of SkinnyFatTransformation.com said that being skinny-fat and having mental health problems such as anxiety and depression go together.
Your physique is a representation of your overall health and being skinny-fat most likely means that you also have low testosterone levels.
Some of the common mental symptoms of low testosterone are:
- Brain fog / ADD.
Instead of treating low testosterone, a lot of skinny-fat men are instead getting treated with dangerous drugs for anxiety, depression and ADD — all which have very bad long-term side effects on the cardiovascular system.
I know this because I’ve been through the mental health care system during my teenage years where I was diagnosed with ADD, depression and anxiety.
As a child I grew up in a low income area where I was one of the few white people.
I got bullied heavily and beaten up many times during my childhood by groups of guys twice my age.
Then as a teenager I was diagnosed with anxiety, ADD and depression.
During this time I also developed gynecomastia (man boobs), severe acne, digestive problems (IBS) and low testosterone levels.
My anxiety was so bad that I was scared to even leave the house or interact with people.
I tried the therapy route but I had no results from it.
I also shortly tried meds for anxiety and depression but I felt like a zombie on them and my already low sex drive became non existent.
I didn’t have any girls until I was almost 20 years old and I always struggled socially.
This is a huge problem because a meta study covering 300,000 participants has shown that a strong social network boosts longevity by 50%.
That’s right, people that have a lot of close, high quality friendships live the longest and highest quality lives.
This is an even bigger predictor of longevity than your diet and exercise routine, yet everyone talks about diet and training only.
I managed to overcome this big weakness of mine with my body-transformation as a starting point.
I completely overhauled my life and built up a very active social life with lots of high quality friends that I had 3-4 weekly night outs with and an abundance of dating opportunities with models from beauty contests, car shows, FHM and playboy.
Before I got married me and a few of my close friends developed a reputation in the high end clubs and bars in our city that we went to for always getting the best girls.
I remember the first time my wife and I went on 2 separate double dates with one of my friends.
Both of the girls told my wife they’re surprised that she was able to get me to marry because I had a reputation for having many beautiful girls and for the past many years I was always with a new hot girl in the parties.
Improving my physique, confidence and social skills didn’t only get me access to dating the kind of girls I wanted but also in meeting a lot of interesting people.
I’ve partied with online marketing millionaires who retired in their early 20s and various celebrities from movies and TV shows.
I’ve even helped one of the top DJS in the world (Nicky Romero) get into shape with bodyweight training and a testosterone boosting diet:
These were the things that I truly wanted out of my fitness.
I didn’t want to just have a better physique but to improve my social life.
I did a lot of things to overcome my depression and anxiety which I may cover in some future posts, but the foundation was raising my testosterone levels.
Once your body is balanced out and you produce high levels of testosterone, your symptoms of anxiety and depression will greatly reduce.
After setting that foundation, I started going out twice per month to face my fears.
I had severe anxiety that didn’t respond well to therapy and medications, therefore I decided to just face it head on.
I would go out twice per month and talk to as many strangers as possible.
At first I was very socially awkward however as time progressed I started getting in better shape and improving socially.
Then I started making some friends and getting numbers and dates with girls.
Over time I also started thinking of how I can set myself up for the future and build up my personal brand online.
I did this while going through university, studying the 2nd most competitive degree in Denmark (International Business and Politics).
In my spare time I’d work on building up SkinnyFatTransformation.com (often late into the night then skipping classes the next day) and within just 6 months my website traffic exploded and I had 100,000 monthly visitors.
Boosting my testosterone, building my physique, overcoming my anxiety and depression and building up my personal brand completely transformed my life.
I felt like I was getting the most out of each day and when looking back at it all, I believe that boosting my testosterone levels and working on my physique was the starting point.
Without working on the physical, the mental wouldn’t improve.
Working on the physical, helped me get the energy and confidence to work on the mental.
Be proud but stay hungry!
Oskar Faarkrog, ISSA Certified Personal Trainer